So I went out with my friends on Saturday, February 19, and let me tell you, it’s hard to go out and have a good time. You constantly worry about how you look, not tripping in your shoes and what you’re doing at that exact moment. It’s a lot to think about. Having a couple of drinks helps ease that tension and lets you take that stuff for granted, but because of the Coumadin, my alcohol intake is limited to two drinks per week. Since I had already had one drink Friday night that meant that Saturday I could only have one. That sucked big time. I wish I had not had a drink Friday so I could have two on Saturday. I used to be able to drink. A lot. I got drunk really fast, off of 2-3 drinks, but I could hold a lot. I could easily have 4 manhattans or 6 beers over the course of a night and be fine. Not to drive, but fine enough to still be functional, not fall and really enjoy myself. Beer and bourbon were my drinks of choice, but I could do shots of almost anything.
So being limited to one drink really sucks. I don’t know if it’s more of a tease than anything, but I savor what little is available to me like it’s the last thing on earth. The one drink I had last Saturday was supposed to be a manhattan, but I got straight Maker’s from the bartender. Awesome. It was like the best thing ever. I also cheated and had a kamikaze shot; mostly because I wanted it, but also because it had already been purchased and I don’t leave fallen soldiers on the field. And yes, kamikazes are still gross; I prefer plain drinks. I wish I could have had something else, something better.
I was out with Lydia and some other friends. We ended up at 5 Star, which is an ‘alternative lifestyle’ bar, but more importantly, has some of the best dancing in Reno. It’s a gay bar, and is notorious to some. Lydia and I love going there because it is one of the few places we can go to and dance and people actually leave us alone, so we don’t have to worry about douchebags hitting on us. They play cheesy music that everyone knows and pretends to hate but secretly loves. They have poles and a cage for dancing, and a stage. The DJ looks crazy and the bar is always packed; you get the idea. It’s a great place to go later in the evening, when you’re well into the night, and you just want to let loose and have a good time.
I had a ton of fun at 5 Star, really, but I’m still trying to learn to dance like I used to. I wore heels that night, chunky and short (3” to me is short), and like I said, I was used to wearing stilettos before I got sick, so I still found myself off balance at times. Really I’m still trying to learn to be myself again. It’s hard, harder than I thought it would be. Because I spent so much energy thinking about everything, I ended up getting tired earlier than I expected and ended up going home a couple hours before I really wanted to.
Maybe it was a good thing that I went home before everyone else. I heard the group split up and the night ended badly for some folks. It happens to everyone; I have certainly had nights I’d like to forget.
Every time I go out, even though I do go home earlier than everyone else, I feel a little bit better than I did the last time. So even though I ended up going home that night earlier than I wanted to, I still was out later than the time before that. RRF had an unofficial pub crawl in late January and I went out with them. I went home around 9:30pm. My goal is to eventually be able to go out without even thinking about stuff like that. I am learning to walk in heels again, which is a big part of how people identify me, and I am getting better at going out. So I think after a while, things will be where I want them to be.
I want everything to be the same or better than what it used to be. I’m pretty sure the Coumadin is temporary, so I won’t be restricted anymore. Side note: before you go thinking that alcohol is my life, even though I love good beers and bourbon is my liquor of choice, I should tell you that being on Coumadin restricts me from a lot of things including foods with vitamin K (spinach, avocado and a lot of healthy foods) and activities where I’m likely to bleed, such as sports where I can fall or using a razor. Once I’m off the meds, I can start drinking again, but my tolerance will be very low, and not what it used to be. I will have to work on bringing it back up, just like everything else. But unlike everything else, working on that will actually be lots of fun, and I know tons of people who will line up to help me.
That night, my friends were all so understanding that having a good time with them was one less thing I had to worry about. They have supported me so well that I want to be able to go out again without any of them worrying. I want them to see that I’m ok despite almost getting taken out. Yes, I gave everyone a scare, but I’m still here, and everything is ok. Everything is good.
The worst is over, so now we can just let the good times roll.
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