Family

My mom and dad have supported me every step of the way.  There aren’t words to express how much I love them and how amazing they’ve been not just through this, but for my whole life.  It’s because of them that I’m the way I am today.

My recovery is possible in part because of them.  Even though I was the one who chose this path and I am the one in control and doing it, much of who I am is because of them.  I am really different from them; I live without fear to a fault, almost too extreme, and I choose to be far away from family because I feel it makes me stronger.  But they were the ones who taught me to follow my dreams; so even though I ended up being way different from them and maybe not quite what they expected, that’s me; that’s my true personality, so in a way, I did what they taught me to do.  I know I’m not a great daughter all the time, and I know I don’t get along with them 100% every time I see them or talk to them (what child does?), but I hope they know that I love them even though I don’t say it nearly enough.

They got on the first flight available from NYC to RNO.  They traveled hours and hours to come be by my side.  Ever since I moved out, I have been super independent, so at first I didn’t want them to come.  When I found out how serious it was, I knew they’d kill me if I didn’t call.

Much of what I know about the first few days was told to me by my mom.  I have no idea how she does it; there she is, trying to comfort her daughter yet maintaining enough sense to make good decisions for herself and me.  If you ask her, she will tell you she’s not strong, but many including me will disagree.

My dad, one would think, is so laid back and super passive.  He is, unless his child is concerned.  Then he steps it up and is full of surprises.  I know leaving for him was hard, but he needs to know he got me through the worst, and I’ll see him soon.

I have a million cousins.  I come from a typical Puerto Rican family that is huge.  All of them were pulling for me, even the ones I barely speak to.  But the ones who were by my side were Brian and Erica.  It’s because of them that my parents were able to be there for me while I was hospitalized, and through them I know my whole family was pulling for me.  Brian is my cousin, and he and Erica got married in 2006.  Since then, Erica, and her mother and sister, have become practically family.

I owe them so much.  Brian came out with my parents as soon as they heard the news, and Erica joined us a week or so later.  They were constantly around, and provided much needed relief to both me and my parents.  They took care of hotels and food, and all of the logistics so no one else had to worry.  They left when I was no longer in danger, but before then they got to see Lake Tahoe and much of the landscape I love so much.

I like to think we were close before, but I definitely want to continue staying close to them.  They ran the NYC marathon the first year I did, in 2009, and have signed up for Chicago this year.  So I do want to see them beforehand and I think I will (that’s the current plan), but at the very worst, they’ll be with me come October.  I do plan on heading back east for a visit, but of course, they’re welcome here anytime.

My poor brother was stuck in NYC when all this went down.  Since he was home, my parents asked him to take care of my pet parrot, Tooti. 

I know he was going crazy not knowing what was going on.  It’s hard for me to reach out to people to let them know I’m ok.  Partly because I want to focus on getting better and partly because I’m shy that way.  I am not shy in general or when it comes to meeting other people, but having to depend on others and taking initiative to reach out is hard for me.  So yea, I’m shy that way.  So I wanted him to know I was ok, but it is not in my personality to reach out and say that.  My dad practically had to force me to send Albee a video.

So it’s a really good thing that he came to visit from January 31^st to February 5^th.  For one, my mom got to go home with him on 2/5, but more importantly, Albee got to see that I’m really ok.  I chose not to be a victim, so the only thing left to do is be a survivor and get on with it, and he saw that.

Albee is almost my opposite.  I’m definitely not tied to the city, but I think he is.  Although after visiting Reno, he might have changed his mind, haha.  Whereas I’m the uptight overachiever who sticks to social norms, he tends to go against the grain, and has taught me so much about letting loose.  And he’s super funny; I think what makes him so funny is that he’s a great storyteller and knows how to keep a straight face.  I laugh hardest at his jokes.  But we’re also very similar: we love to dance, we’re both loud and outgoing, we’re both smart, we both love sports, and are both awed by physical prowess, be it human or not.  I think we complement each other very well.

I have many aunts and uncles, as you can probably tell from my million cousins.  I have family along the east coast, mostly in NYC, but also in CT, PA and FL.  I am not lying or exaggerating when I say every single one of them prayed for me.  I know I’m kind of on the peripheral and I barely speak to some of them, but I am a true De Jesus at heart: even though we’re thousands of miles apart, my family means the world to me, and what they did for me I would do in a heartbeat for them.

There’s Titi Lydia and Uncle Bruce (Brian’s parents).  There’s also Titi Lori and Titi Deb.  There’s Uncle Carlos, and Diana, Karin and her children, Sherene, Jason and Ayanna.  There’s Angelique and Pito, Julie, Candy and Areli, and that’s just naming a few!  There’s so many more; I want to name them all, but that’s just off the top of my head now and I remember the most active on Facebook (oops).  Please know that I send my love to everyone, and I am sending love and prayers to Kelly.

 I consider my closest friends part of my family.  They are very instrumental in my recovery.  They kept in touch with Brian and my parents, and most of them know my immediate family personally now.  My closest friends know who they are; some of them are here, some are in NYC and Philly, and also Chicago and Miami.  They have been there whenever possible, and when not possible, they have kept in touch via text and email (oh and Facebook too).  I want them to know that I love them; it’s because of their generosity that I know there’s a lot of good in this world, and that’s what helped me make the choice to put everything behind me and keep going.

I hate sounding cheesy, so I will simply say that I had to make the decision to just keep swimming so the strength and will to do so is completely mine, but it’s because of the amazing people around me that I know it’s all worth it.