Lucky Week

This was a good week.  Obviously the 17^th was St. Patrick’s Day, and March 14^th was Steak and BJ day.  Really.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=March%2014th

I found out that my best friend, Nicole, is getting married.  We’ve been friends since freshman year of college, so that’s coming up on 10 years I think.  She’s back in NYC so she wasn’t physically here to help me, but she has stayed closely in touch with me so that I know she’s around to support me through everything.  We have the kind of friendship that will last forever: weeks can go by (I’d rather they not) without us talking, but the next time that we do talk or hang out, we can pick up right where we left off.  We’ve had plenty of practice at this; she’s a doctor, so I never saw her even when I lived in NYC haha.  I was not worried about our friendship when I moved; we have seen each other at our best and worst and I know that distance can’t change what we’ve been through nor will it change how we will support each other now or in the future.  I like her fiancé, and I’m really happy for her.

March Madness started; I picked Kansas, UConn, Pitt and OSU for the Final Four with Kansas winning it all.  I’m currently tied for second in my office pool.  The pot is $140, but more importantly, I want the bragging rights.

We also got good news about projects at work. If everything goes well, I should be able to stay in Reno for a while and not have to look for work elsewhere.

All of the good stuff that has happened should help me; I have to deal with my astronomical medical bills now.  First of all, I have insurance, but it seems that not all of the providers that billed me also billed my insurance.  The same is true for the reverse: it seems like my insurance paid providers that never billed me.  All in all I owe close to 12 or $13,000 when I should owe $10,000.  I should be able to afford everything, but I have to make sure I was billed correctly before I can begin paying it off.

Recovery-wise, things in general are going well.  Physically, of course, I am getting better.  Anthony has been challenging me with harder exercises at the gym, and my running has gotten better.  On Tuesday, I ran 2.25 miles without stopping in under 11 minutes.  That’s a 10:56 min/mile pace. Today I did not run, but I am really looking forward to Bay to Breakers in May and the RTO in June.

I’m still improving at RTEC.  I haven’t yet ridden a horse, but I’ve helped out at the barn and have groomed a couple horses so far.  My right arm isn’t quite what I want it to be yet, and I am right handed, so grooming horses is a little challenging, but I think it’s good for me.  Handling an animal that weighs almost a ton, cleaning its coat and picking up its hooves all do wonders for my confidence.  Also, horses are super-perceptive.  They can pick up on your physical and emotional condition immediately, so it forces you to be honest with yourself and face your demons.  You have to be honest with yourself in order to be strong for them because they feed off of your energy.  I have always loved that about them but I think that’s more important now than ever.  A lot of people are convinced that horses are good therapists; I’ve always believed that and I am positive that they can help me heal faster.

I had an appointment this week where I found out there’s a chance I have to stay on Coumadin permanently.  No, I don’t want another stroke, so if that turns out to be true, I will take the Coumadin.  But like I’ve already said, taking Coumadin blows.  Because of it, I have to limit a lot of stuff, and I love all the stuff I need to limit.  Plus I have to get my blood drawn every couple of weeks or so to make sure my INR levels are ok.  I will find out for sure after my next MRI and seeing a hematologist about clotting factors in my blood.  I hope I can come off of the medication.

On Thursday, I rode the elevator with someone I’ve never met before.  She was super nice, and asked me where my accent is from.  When I explained to her that I’m from NYC but my voice is the way it is because of my stroke, she tried to play it off like she didn’t notice that I talked different, but that instead I sound like a New Yorker.  Funny, right? She noticed my voice was different so she asked why, and when I told her she pretended I sound no different than any other New Yorker.  Anyway, I learned that there’s really no way to tell what happened to me; if you don’t know what happened last December, you can’t tell most of the time and if you do figure out something happened, you won’t know what happened.

To me, that means I have recovered.  Doctors were confident I would, but I attribute my recovery to my attitude and my belief that I would get better.  If you ask me, I was given all of the tools needed for a full recovery; an amazing family, great friends, good health and age were all on my side.  But those were only tools.  If I had chosen not to use them, they would have meant nothing.  I recovered because I chose to, and everything I had available to me in my life supported me in that decision.  Yes, I lucked out with my prognosis and support system, but it was because I chose not to roll over and give up that I got better.

12 weeks

Today is 12 weeks since I had my stroke.

I have progressed a lot.  Physically, I am much better.  I tried yoga on my Wii again.  Back in January, couldn’t do one-legged poses at all.  Now I can do them.  After yoga I bowled, because I needed something more fun.  I bowled a turkey.  First time since I got sick.

I’ve progressed in my running.  I’ve gone as far as 5 kilometers, and while I did have to slow down for some walking, I did 5k on a muddy and icy trail in 42 minutes.  I’ve gone from a 15 minute mile pace to an 11:40 minute mile pace.  To those who don’t run, shaving 4:20 (haha 420) off of your pace is incredible.  Really.  Even I, the survivor who does not think anything is good enough, am impressed.

I can use my balance board now, and am able to do more advanced movements at the gym with Anthony.  Today I tried out the slide board, where I can mimic what is best described as fast ice skating.  At first it was tricky, but I am getting the hang of it.  My balance is definitely getting better, so I know I can expand my horizons and do much of what I used to do soon.

http://www.vewdo.com/index

http://www.shapeupshop.com/plyometrics/ultra_slide_board.htm

I will continue training with Anthony because I do see results.  Today he really kicked my ass and all I wanted to do was curse, but overall I do see the benefits and I think they’re self explanatory.  He says I’m progressing much faster than he originally thought I would, and as a result, he calls me “a victim of my own success.”  Meaning I’m doing so well at the gym that the exercises are getting harder.  Hooray.  I’m so excited.

Speechwise, things are a bit easier.  I still sound off, but I rarely have trouble with people understanding me.  My speech therapy at Renown ended February 21^st, and I had an evaluation with the speech pathology department at UNR yesterday, March 8^th.  They seem to know how to help me; the evaluation consisted of reading passages aloud, conversational speech, saying certain words and sentences, making sounds and facial movements.  I will be going there on Tuesday mornings starting March 22^nd, so hopefully my speech will get much better.

Emotionally, well, there are ups and downs.  Overall, I think things are going well.  When I do get upset, it’s less about the stroke and more about things that happen to me in my daily, general life.  Things that would happen regardless of my health, so that’s normal right?  I think I have grieved for the person I used to be but lost; things are at times still difficult to deal with, but I like to think I have accepted what happened to me.  My family is going through a really rough time now; even though I am getting better, they have to deal with another blow to their strength besides what happened to me.  So that is hard to deal with.  I hate to sound callous, but sometimes it’s easier to not think about it and focus on me and my life.  It sucks, but it’s true.  I’m better able to deal with things if I am emotionally stable.  So when I feel that instability creeping in, I retreat and focus just on me.  It might be selfish, but if I’m going to be selfish at all, now is the time.  When I am better I will have more time and energy to devote to other people, and I plan on doing so.

Speaking of emotions, I went back to the barn to see McKenna, Deb and the rest of the RTEC crew.  Being there was hard at first, and if I think about it long enough it’s still hard.  I watched the two horses I rode the most being ridden by other people and was only able to think about what I used to be able to do.  I have to play the cards I’m dealt, but remembering the hand I used to have really sucks.  It was a good hand, and it’s hard to face the fact that I lost it.

I found out some bad things happened to them too while I was gone, but that they are recovering as well.  I was missed, and I’m welcomed there anytime, so hopefully together we can heal.  I plan on stopping by weekly to help out until I feel ready to ride.  Right now, I feel a little unbalanced and probably would fall off a horse, so I want to stay on the ground.  For now, I will groom, feed and lunge the horses.  One day, I’m sure I’ll be ready to ride again.