12 weeks

Today is 12 weeks since I had my stroke.

I have progressed a lot.  Physically, I am much better.  I tried yoga on my Wii again.  Back in January, couldn’t do one-legged poses at all.  Now I can do them.  After yoga I bowled, because I needed something more fun.  I bowled a turkey.  First time since I got sick.

I’ve progressed in my running.  I’ve gone as far as 5 kilometers, and while I did have to slow down for some walking, I did 5k on a muddy and icy trail in 42 minutes.  I’ve gone from a 15 minute mile pace to an 11:40 minute mile pace.  To those who don’t run, shaving 4:20 (haha 420) off of your pace is incredible.  Really.  Even I, the survivor who does not think anything is good enough, am impressed.

I can use my balance board now, and am able to do more advanced movements at the gym with Anthony.  Today I tried out the slide board, where I can mimic what is best described as fast ice skating.  At first it was tricky, but I am getting the hang of it.  My balance is definitely getting better, so I know I can expand my horizons and do much of what I used to do soon.

http://www.vewdo.com/index

http://www.shapeupshop.com/plyometrics/ultra_slide_board.htm

I will continue training with Anthony because I do see results.  Today he really kicked my ass and all I wanted to do was curse, but overall I do see the benefits and I think they’re self explanatory.  He says I’m progressing much faster than he originally thought I would, and as a result, he calls me “a victim of my own success.”  Meaning I’m doing so well at the gym that the exercises are getting harder.  Hooray.  I’m so excited.

Speechwise, things are a bit easier.  I still sound off, but I rarely have trouble with people understanding me.  My speech therapy at Renown ended February 21^st, and I had an evaluation with the speech pathology department at UNR yesterday, March 8^th.  They seem to know how to help me; the evaluation consisted of reading passages aloud, conversational speech, saying certain words and sentences, making sounds and facial movements.  I will be going there on Tuesday mornings starting March 22^nd, so hopefully my speech will get much better.

Emotionally, well, there are ups and downs.  Overall, I think things are going well.  When I do get upset, it’s less about the stroke and more about things that happen to me in my daily, general life.  Things that would happen regardless of my health, so that’s normal right?  I think I have grieved for the person I used to be but lost; things are at times still difficult to deal with, but I like to think I have accepted what happened to me.  My family is going through a really rough time now; even though I am getting better, they have to deal with another blow to their strength besides what happened to me.  So that is hard to deal with.  I hate to sound callous, but sometimes it’s easier to not think about it and focus on me and my life.  It sucks, but it’s true.  I’m better able to deal with things if I am emotionally stable.  So when I feel that instability creeping in, I retreat and focus just on me.  It might be selfish, but if I’m going to be selfish at all, now is the time.  When I am better I will have more time and energy to devote to other people, and I plan on doing so.

Speaking of emotions, I went back to the barn to see McKenna, Deb and the rest of the RTEC crew.  Being there was hard at first, and if I think about it long enough it’s still hard.  I watched the two horses I rode the most being ridden by other people and was only able to think about what I used to be able to do.  I have to play the cards I’m dealt, but remembering the hand I used to have really sucks.  It was a good hand, and it’s hard to face the fact that I lost it.

I found out some bad things happened to them too while I was gone, but that they are recovering as well.  I was missed, and I’m welcomed there anytime, so hopefully together we can heal.  I plan on stopping by weekly to help out until I feel ready to ride.  Right now, I feel a little unbalanced and probably would fall off a horse, so I want to stay on the ground.  For now, I will groom, feed and lunge the horses.  One day, I’m sure I’ll be ready to ride again.