Mesothelioma Awareness Day

Hey guys.  I haven't posted in a while, but you all should know that tomorrow, September 26th, is National Mesothelioma Awareness day.  Why care?  Well apparently, mesothelioma is that its ENTIRELY PREVENTABLE, so awareness actually does save lives.  In honor of awareness, here's a site that shares a survivors story.  It's very inspiring - her husband commented on my blog, and shared this with me.  Since I myself am a survivor of a usual fatal illness, I definitely sympathize.

Check it out, and then donate your social status:
http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/awareness/

10 things i've learned from my dog

1.  there is nothing more frustrating than when someone teases you with what you want

2.  find a private spot to do your business; nothing worse than people staring while you take a shit

3.  all dogs (and people) are good.  if they're mean to you, it's because they're scared or someone hurt them in the past

4.  running is fun.  you don't need music or fancy gear; all you need is a good partner

5.  cuddles and licks (kisses) heal all wounds, whether they are physical or not

6.  you can't stay mad for more than 90 seconds.  that's the time it takes for the chemical reaction to pass through your body.  if you're mad for longer, it's because you're holding a grudge

7.  always take time to stop and check out something that catches your nose (eye), even if you're 'on the go'

8.  the best part of tv is not watching it; it's cuddling

9.  always forgive; it is not a good use of energy to dwell on things.  but never forget; it helps you from repeating mistakes and shapes you into a better dog, i mean person

10.  always freak out when the people you love disappear.  you don't know if or when they'll come back

Simple Things

It's been almost a year and a half.  I am completely different than the woman I used to be.  On the positive side, I am a lot less controlling, a lot less jealous, and way more carefree.  I understand what I can change versus what I can't control, and choose to not sweat the things I can't change.  I've come to accept that nothing in the world is permanent except for being, and that gives me the strength to deal with whatever comes.  I am living the cliche that "it can always be worse."  I know for a fact that it can be worse.  I also have learned to follow my heart.  However, my confidence has taken a huge hit.  I am painfully self concious about how I sound, and unfortunately it affects my ability to form and maintain relationships.  I know 95% of it is just me being silly; I know I shouldn't worry about it, and just be myself, but more often than I'd like, I let it get the best of me.  There have been situations where I know I should have said or done something, but I let my fear of speaking up take over.  I'm working on that, promise.  On the other hand, it helps weed out people who I shouldn't concern myself with; if someone is shallow enough to care about how I sound, then I probably shouldn't waste my time on them.  I think it's really funny that there are so many people who want to ask why I speak the way I do but don't because they feel the need to be so polite.  I want to tell them that asking is ok!  Haha.  I have no secrets :)

I run, a lot.  Earlier this year I was running 35-40 miles a week.  I ran enough that I burnt myself out, haha.  I'm on a break now, but starting to ramp up my mileage again.  There are so many trails near where I live; just today I ran 4 miles in Cougar Mountain State Park, and it was absolutely beautiful.  And to think it ranks towards the bottom in terms of beautiful parks in the PNW.  I found a trainer here, and though I miss Anthony dearly, I have a good feeling about Nick.

Gibson has really grown up.  He'll be 2 in September.  He weighs about 50 lbs now, all muscle.  The veterinarian told me he weighs about 10-15 lbs more than a dog his size should, so his extra weight is all lean muscle!  I'm glad I'm his favorite person; I would not want to cross him.  He's become a serious trail dog.  He's so athletic and so loyal; he once ran 24 miles without leaving my side (off leash)!  He listens to me and is very well voice-trained.  I hardly ever leash him.  The best part is that he listens to me and not really to other people.  I recently switched him to a raw diet.  He only eats raw meat now, along with whole eggs and dried liver.  I have to say I'm really happy with the diet and would highly recommend it to any dog owner.  His coat is softer and shiner, his teeth are sparkly white, his doggie breath is gone, and best of all, his poops are not smelly and look more like coyote scat than dog poop.  I spoil him too.  Chicken and pork are the cheapest ($0.79-$2.99/lb), but maybe twice a month I splurge and get him beef, lamb or duck,  He loves it!

He's truly my best friend.  Right now he's sleeping curled up next to me as I write this.

There are so many things I want to do around here.  I want to hike Rainier, I want to do the Hood to Coast Relay, I want to go to the San Juan Islands and go whale watching, I want to go to the botanical gardens (UW and Bellevue), I want to go to Vancouver, and snowboarding at Whistler.  I want to check out all the cool restaurants that have been recommended to me, and I want to go to Elysian Brewing in Capitol Hill.  And I've been told the Theo chocolate factory is in Fremont right next to a belgian beer bar.  Must go.  I also really want to go camping.  I have not taken Gibson backpacking, and I think it would be so much fun!

But for all the things I want to do, sometimes the most satisfying thing is taking Gibson on a trail run, followed by enjoying a beer on my balcony.  Or watching a sunset with good friends.  It's all about the simple things.

Haha, so it has been forever since I posted!

Since my last post, I:

ran the Chicago Marathon in 4:49
ran the CIM Relay (legs 3 and 4) in 2:08
ran the Way Too Cool 50k in 7:15
paced my friend during the American River 50 for 24 miles
got a new job and moved to Seattle, Washington

WOW!
Seriously, the only thing you will notice is my speech, and even that is getting way better.  I'm not even sure what else to write for this blog.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life.  Life in Seattle, so far, has been great.  The job, although it's only been a week, has been everything I expected, and I have met some really great people.  Most people on my team know what happened becuase they found the blog on my profile, so that helped me escape from awkward conversations: "Hi, I'm Liani.  I almost died."  Haha.  But others do not know, and I'm waiting for the time when I have to explain.  But so far, no one has asked why I talk funny.  I don't know if it's out of fear or politeness or whatever; but the fact that no one has asked is reassuring.  Let us become friends first, then I can tell you my story.

Whatever happens, a fresh start is very exciting.

8 months and a Busy Summer

The lack of posts is due to everything that has been going on.  Since my last post, I finished a 10k, I did Bay to Breakers, I went back East for the first time since November, I took two business trips, my good friend got married, and I spent a weekend in Vegas.  I finished the 10k in 1 hour flat, which is about a 9:55 min/mi pace, and Bay to Breakers took us just under 1 ½ hours.  Just yesterday I ran 7 miles in 1:09.  The longest I’ve gone since the stroke is 16 miles (2 ½ hours) and I’m on track to finish the Chicago marathon in October in 5 hours or less.  Gibson comes with most of the time; he’s up to 14 miles and does great!  I got him a backpack to carry his own food and water on long runs and hikes.  He’s gotten somewhat bigger; he’s gained 12 lbs from the time I adopted him, but it’s mostly muscle.  He’s fully housebroken and knows lots of tricks now.  He’s a great companion, and his first birthday is next month (hint hint).  Oh, by the way, the Nevada Humane Society, where I adopted him from, is raising money through its annual duck race.  I adopted a ducky to support them, and I highly encourage you to adopt one:

http://www.nevadahumanesociety.org/duckrace.htm

I’ve enjoyed several hikes around the Tahoe area, and have had the luck of making a number of new friends.  I’ve been enjoying my freedom from Coumadin, too.  In early August, I went to Mammoth, CA to attend Bluesapalooza, a 3-day beer and blues festival.  It.  Was.  Amazing.  My drinking abilities are not what they used to be, but I’m happy to enjoy a few brews and the occasional bourbon without having to worry.

In October, a couple weeks after the marathon, Larcker is getting married in Philly.  And I will be there in my 4” heels.  I’m back to wearing heels like I used to; and the more precarious the shoe (like the 5” platform wedges I bought), the more trouble I have, but I feel comfortable in 3-4” heels.  I know she was worried about that, so rest assured I will be dancing the night away in my high heels.

Training at the gym is going well; we’ve progressed a lot.  Now I do intervals: I do a set of exercises
(squats, lunges, etc) then instead of resting I sprint on the treadmill for 30 seconds until I’ve done 3 sets.  Then we move on to intervals with a different exercise.  I think rehabilitation-wise, I’ve achieved all of my goals.  But I’ve lost 15 lbs since January, and I really like the results, so I continue to see Anthony 2 times a week.

Physically, in case you can’t tell, everything is almost normal.  I’m running just a tad slower that my previous pace, and I’m doing everything else within reason without problems.  The only hurdle I haven’t gotten past is jumping.  I have a mental block about jumping up onto something.  Jumping down is no problem.  But as soon as I brace myself to jump up (even if it’s a low platform), my brain says, “oh hell no.”  So that’s my next challenge.

My speech is coming along.  I went to UNR for speech therapy all summer, and plan to go back when the semester starts later this month.  My speech still is not anywhere near what I want it to be, but 8 months out I’m talking a whole lot faster and it’s more intelligible.  It’s sounding more natural too.  I’m betting within another year it’ll be close to normal.

I think it’s getting near time to go back to the rehab hospital and visit all the wonderful doctors, nurses and therapists who put me on the road to recovery.  I am a medical miracle, after all, and they need to see how their care in the first 2 weeks post event made such a positive impact.

Winning!

One thing the stroke taught me is not to wait to do the things I want to do.  I have wanted to get a dog for the longest time, so I finally did.  His name is Gibson, and he’s a 6 month old Australian Cattle Dog mix.  I got him from the Nevada Humane Society, and they said he was a stray.  Because he is so young, it requires a lot of patience to care for him, but he is learning fast.  He’s almost housebroken; I say almost because accidents do happen inside the house, but they are few and far between.  There hasn’t been an accident in over 2 weeks (I hope I did not jinx it).  He knows sit, stay and come for the most part, although he doesn’t really listen when there are a lot of distractions around.  He does well around other dogs and I have been taking him to the dog park a lot.

I think he makes a great running partner.  He has been with me a few times, and has done well considering he’s never run on a leash before.  He loves people, so running with the group is right up his alley.  People seem to love him too; he’s very cute, friendly and loves attention, so it’s no wonder that people love him.  He did 4.5 miles on Saturday, April 2^nd without problem, so I think as long as I’m careful about his buildup he will be fine. In terms of mileage, he can keep up with me.

In addition to getting Gibson, I bought a new car.  It’s a 2011 Subaru Outback Sport, and it’s awesome.  I’m so happy with it.  It came with overinflated tires but that was really easy to resolve.  In almost 3 weeks I’ve put 1200 miles on it already.

With those new acquisitions, I’m really happy.  I think I am satisfied for a while now.  The focus has returned to getting better.

Since my last blog post, my physical recovery has progressed a lot.  I’ve determined that at the gym, my balance and coordination are no worse than anyone else’s.  I am weaker, and Anthony and I are addressing that.  I’ve dropped down to two sessions a week but we have stepped up the pace.  He loves using all sorts of things that you would not imagine would be used in a gym; for example, I had to put my feet on a furniture dolly and walk on my hands.  Good upper body work out, it really make you curse.

My speech is coming along.  My clinician at UNR says I am doing really, really well.  We’re working on speech rate and intonation (using pitch to stress syllables, rather than force or effort).  Most people learn language when they are small, so you probably don’t remember how difficult it is to master English.  Because it is more difficult than I imagined, I am doing all these drills to try and sound more like my old self.

I’ve been back to the barn a few times since my last post.  When I felt ready, I tried riding a horse.  McKenna suggested I ride Gazeebo, since he is much easier to ride than the horses I regularly rode, Maddy and Ignite.  When I took Gazeebo around the ring, both McKenna and I realized my skill and ability were still there; it was just a matter of regaining strength and getting back in shape.  So this past Sunday, she let me try riding Maddy.  I like to say that anyone can sit on Maddy, but you have to know what you’re doing to really ride her.  Sunday went beautifully.  So beautifully in fact that even people not knowledgeable about riding can appreciate it.  I ran her through all the gaits; walk, sitting trot, posting trot, canter and did basic patterns with her.  Yes, it was hard, but it felt really, really good.  I was really happy and look forward very much to my next lesson.

My running has improved.  I am not going that much faster, but the activity itself has become a lot easier.  It’s hard to describe, but I no longer find myself catching my balance as often or tiring as quickly.  Since my stamina is up, I am no longer worried about my upcoming races; in fact, I have signed up for my first 10k since the stroke.  I am doing the Reno Rock and River 10k on May 1^st.  If you’re in town, I urge you to come out for the festivities.

http://rock-n-riverhalfmarathon.com/

I also got some really good news.  On April 1^st, I underwent an MRI.  They used contrast and took pictures of my head and neck; the intent was to see how my arteries are doing.  The Neurologist called me on Monday April 11^th to tell me everything has fully healed; my arteries look great inside and out, and there’s signs that my dissection has fully healed.  That is amazing.  Simply amazing.  Not only is my recovery going well, but now I have proof that my body and brain have healed.

The next step is to see a hemotologist.  He or she can look at samples of my blood from the day of the stroke, before I was put on blood thinners, to see if my blood has a natural tendency to clot when it is not supposed to.  If it does, well then that kind of sucks because I’ll have to stay on Coumadin for the rest of my life.  But if it doesn’t, since I am fully healed, I can come off!  Fingers crossed!

Next Wednesday, April 20^th at 7pm, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is coming to speak in Reno.  She’s a Brain Scientist who had a stroke at the age of 37, and because of her background, was able to recognize everything that was happening to her.  It took her 8 years to fully recover, and she wrote a book about her experience.  Her book is A Stroke of Insight and next Wednesday, she will be lecturing about it.  I bought tickets, and I actually got really amazing seats (1^st row orchestra pit).

http://www.insightlecture.com/speakers/jill-bolte-taylor-ph-d/

So March was a super busy month for me, and it spilled over into April.  I’m just waiting for the weather to cooperate; it has been cold here, and I really am looking forward to the warm weather.

Oh, I almost forgot.  Since I picked UCONN as one of the final four, I won my office pool.  $140, but more importantly, beating all the guys I work with.  Bi-winning.

About this blog: I don’t really know what else to say.  Yes, I can update it periodically with my progress, but I feel I’ve made my point already.  A stroke, contrary to what most believe, is something you can recover from, I am literally living proof of that.  Stroke is the number three killer in this country and the number one disabler.  But if you survive, you can come back to a productive life.  The road is long and hard, but the key is you have to want to do the work yourself.  Yes I am very fortunate in that I have the greatest family and an amazing support system: Mom, Dad, Albee, Brian, Erica, Larcker, Lydia, Nicole, Brad, Michelle, Meaghan, et al (I can’t even name everyone).  But I chose to get better; where the stroke left me was unacceptable so I did something about it.  I did the work myself; they merely supported me in my decisions.

So with that said, I will update periodically and let you all know how I’m doing, especially after big events.  But you got the point already, and life is, well, normal for me now, and that’s what I wanted.  So I declare victory.

Me: 1

Stroke: 0

Lucky Week

This was a good week.  Obviously the 17^th was St. Patrick’s Day, and March 14^th was Steak and BJ day.  Really.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=March%2014th

I found out that my best friend, Nicole, is getting married.  We’ve been friends since freshman year of college, so that’s coming up on 10 years I think.  She’s back in NYC so she wasn’t physically here to help me, but she has stayed closely in touch with me so that I know she’s around to support me through everything.  We have the kind of friendship that will last forever: weeks can go by (I’d rather they not) without us talking, but the next time that we do talk or hang out, we can pick up right where we left off.  We’ve had plenty of practice at this; she’s a doctor, so I never saw her even when I lived in NYC haha.  I was not worried about our friendship when I moved; we have seen each other at our best and worst and I know that distance can’t change what we’ve been through nor will it change how we will support each other now or in the future.  I like her fiancé, and I’m really happy for her.

March Madness started; I picked Kansas, UConn, Pitt and OSU for the Final Four with Kansas winning it all.  I’m currently tied for second in my office pool.  The pot is $140, but more importantly, I want the bragging rights.

We also got good news about projects at work. If everything goes well, I should be able to stay in Reno for a while and not have to look for work elsewhere.

All of the good stuff that has happened should help me; I have to deal with my astronomical medical bills now.  First of all, I have insurance, but it seems that not all of the providers that billed me also billed my insurance.  The same is true for the reverse: it seems like my insurance paid providers that never billed me.  All in all I owe close to 12 or $13,000 when I should owe $10,000.  I should be able to afford everything, but I have to make sure I was billed correctly before I can begin paying it off.

Recovery-wise, things in general are going well.  Physically, of course, I am getting better.  Anthony has been challenging me with harder exercises at the gym, and my running has gotten better.  On Tuesday, I ran 2.25 miles without stopping in under 11 minutes.  That’s a 10:56 min/mile pace. Today I did not run, but I am really looking forward to Bay to Breakers in May and the RTO in June.

I’m still improving at RTEC.  I haven’t yet ridden a horse, but I’ve helped out at the barn and have groomed a couple horses so far.  My right arm isn’t quite what I want it to be yet, and I am right handed, so grooming horses is a little challenging, but I think it’s good for me.  Handling an animal that weighs almost a ton, cleaning its coat and picking up its hooves all do wonders for my confidence.  Also, horses are super-perceptive.  They can pick up on your physical and emotional condition immediately, so it forces you to be honest with yourself and face your demons.  You have to be honest with yourself in order to be strong for them because they feed off of your energy.  I have always loved that about them but I think that’s more important now than ever.  A lot of people are convinced that horses are good therapists; I’ve always believed that and I am positive that they can help me heal faster.

I had an appointment this week where I found out there’s a chance I have to stay on Coumadin permanently.  No, I don’t want another stroke, so if that turns out to be true, I will take the Coumadin.  But like I’ve already said, taking Coumadin blows.  Because of it, I have to limit a lot of stuff, and I love all the stuff I need to limit.  Plus I have to get my blood drawn every couple of weeks or so to make sure my INR levels are ok.  I will find out for sure after my next MRI and seeing a hematologist about clotting factors in my blood.  I hope I can come off of the medication.

On Thursday, I rode the elevator with someone I’ve never met before.  She was super nice, and asked me where my accent is from.  When I explained to her that I’m from NYC but my voice is the way it is because of my stroke, she tried to play it off like she didn’t notice that I talked different, but that instead I sound like a New Yorker.  Funny, right? She noticed my voice was different so she asked why, and when I told her she pretended I sound no different than any other New Yorker.  Anyway, I learned that there’s really no way to tell what happened to me; if you don’t know what happened last December, you can’t tell most of the time and if you do figure out something happened, you won’t know what happened.

To me, that means I have recovered.  Doctors were confident I would, but I attribute my recovery to my attitude and my belief that I would get better.  If you ask me, I was given all of the tools needed for a full recovery; an amazing family, great friends, good health and age were all on my side.  But those were only tools.  If I had chosen not to use them, they would have meant nothing.  I recovered because I chose to, and everything I had available to me in my life supported me in that decision.  Yes, I lucked out with my prognosis and support system, but it was because I chose not to roll over and give up that I got better.